5 Pillars of Mindful Awareness That Transformed My Life

“When things change inside of you, things change around you.” ~Unknown

When I was twenty-three, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. It was not until two years later, when I stopped taking medication, that I discovered I had a mental health disorder linked to my menstrual cycles.

Meditating daily has been foundational for my well-being. It helps me manage the physical expressions of anxiety and bad moods. It allows me to be more accepting of myself and grateful for the many positives in my life.

But it is the awareness journey that mindfulness has paved over these last seven years that has reached so many different corners of my life.

The awareness I developed from regular practice seeps into my life as a positive multiplier, pushing further progress in emotional regulation and health. It inspired me to start journaling daily. It encouraged me to face myself, my fears, and my choices.

With awareness comes meaningful change. I completely pivoted my life, walking away from my career in the investment industry to prioritize things that I discovered I valued the most.

This is just one transformation that has come from developing different types of awareness. Together, these form the pillars of a healthy, fruitful relationship with myself and the world around me.

Everybody’s awareness journey will be different; you cannot know where yours will lead. But in case it helps with your reflection and journey, I am sharing the questions I faced on mine.

Awareness of Emotions: Taking Back Control from the Unconscious

Mindfulness practice revealed how much my emotions had a hold over me. I previously saw no separation between myself and my emotions. I let them convince me of things that weren’t true and lead my decisions.

But now my relationship with my emotions has transformed from one of “I am this feeling” to “this feeling is happening to me.”

Awareness of feelings reveals some key things. Firstly, emotions are temporary. Secondly, many emotions come from an instinctive, animalistic part of us, cropping up to protect us. This means they can often impact our perceptions and rationality.

Emotions are there to serve us, as is our stress reaction. But we must recognize these bodily reactions for what they are—processes that need completing. Stress and negative emotions are often linked to significant health problems, but the power to minimize their impacts is within our reach.

With awareness, I recognize my changing views, desires to act, and needs to service all the different parts of myself. The latter includes the person I am at my core, the part that houses my rationality and values. Quick, emotional reactions do not tend to represent this part.

At first, it was difficult to accept all the parts of myself that awareness uncovers. But it paved the way for enhanced emotional regulation and management. I now know how to take the messages my emotions are trying to send me, feel them, settle them, and act in a way that represents all parts.

When we do this, we change unconscious reactions, led by emotions, to conscious responses. It’s okay if we still have racing thoughts; it’s how we act that matters. We take back ownership of our lives from our emotions by making constructive choices.

Reflecting on your emotions:

• Can I name my emotions and the feelings toward the events or people involved?
• How did the desire to react manifest?
• Why might I feel this way, and what are my needs?
• Does this point to any unhealed pain, fears, or insecurities?
• How did my feelings and perceptions change, and what contributed to this?
• Which thoughts are supported by evidence, and where do I need more clarity?

Awareness of Capacity: Getting the Best Out of Myself

When we are not feeling like our best selves, we naturally blame our circumstances or problems. We often completely overlook how much our inner space influences our feelings, our functioning, and what we get out of the world.

By paying attention, I discovered how so much inside of me is always changing. My motivation, my energy, and my physiology change across the month. Patterns started to appear—times when my self-doubt and limiting beliefs were louder, or when my cognitive or physical strength were weaker.

Some things cycle naturally. Some are heavily influenced by “too much of this” or “too little of that.” I see the links between physical factors, mindset, and progress.

You can consume all the motivational quotes about success and personal growth out there, but if you do not prioritize your health, you are setting out on the wrong foot.

Intuitively, we function best when we look after ourselves. We are most confident when we can recognize our self-doubt for what it is.

With awareness, I can identify and meet my needs. Whether that be self-compassion practice when my self-doubt is loud or fueling my brain when it feels slow. I also match activities to when they best suit my capacity, working with myself instead of beating myself up.

Reflection questions for awareness of capacity:

• When do I feel most energized, motivated, creative, focused, and confident?
• What are my motivation and energy killers and boosters?
• When do I find it easiest to make decisions?
• Which activities work best for when my brain feels slow, my body feels weak, or my social capacity is low?

Here are some things to consider: sleep, nutrition, movement, connection with nature, time with loved ones, stress management, and downtime.

Awareness in Relationships: Finding Peace and Improving Connections

Reflecting on some past relationships, it often feels like I wasn’t a part of them at all. Driven by unconscious reactions and people-pleasing, they hardly felt authentic, and this really limited their richness.

We can learn a lot about ourselves from our approach to relationships. Our deepest traumas manifest in our triggers. Our actions are mostly driven by our fears and insecurities, often underpinned by the need for validation and fear of rejection.

Once we deal with these at the root and take back our life from our emotions, we enter a new space. Challenges with other people stop becoming reasons to walk away or make an enemy, but instead become opportunities to build something stronger. Or at least they give us a chance to act more authentically.

Awareness of my own changing feelings, needs, and typical behaviors provides a level of empathy that is nothing less than superhuman.

Known as a main ingredient for successful relationships, empathy is the understanding and patience we need to lovingly consider things from another’s perspective. Most of the time, everybody is trying their best to navigate the world and their relationships, acting in ways they’ve learned from their experiences rather than out of selfishness.

Boundaries are still key when there is a misalignment of standards and values. But empathizing is useful for finding acceptance where needed. Where alignment exists, empathy is the tool that helps relationships grow and enriches connections.

Reflecting on relationships:

• What are my values, wants, needs, and expectations, and do I know where they come from?
• Do I approach things authentically, or do I have ulterior motives?
• What challenges do I often face in relationships, and what is my approach usually?
• What assumptions do I make about how others should behave?
• Do these answers reveal areas of required self-work?

Awareness for Connection: Feeling Present in the World

Becoming aware and being present are one and the same thing. When we practice mindfulness, we pay attention to the present moment. Mindfulness isn’t just about cultivating self-awareness; we also train our brains to be aware of everything around us.

Before my awareness journey, I lived in my head. Mulling over events, worrying about things that could be, and constructing scenarios, I took attention away from everything around me.

With mindfulness practice, you transform your relationship with your thoughts, just like you do with your emotions. You realize thoughts are just thoughts, and you don’t have to get so wrapped up in them. They become much easier to let go, and with time, your mind can become quieter.

When we practice being present, we train ourselves to notice the little things around us. I hear the birds in the morning. I feel the wind against my skin. I see the pattern on the tie of the person sitting opposite me.

Awareness of the world is connection to the world. And it is connection that ultimately helps us feel mentally well. This kind of awareness gives us the sense of grounding we need to get out of our heads and feel alive in the world.

Maximizing external awareness:

• Practice awareness of sounds, sensations, and smells during meditation.
• Take mindful moments during the day for a few deep breaths.
• Get out into nature.
• Make activities mindful by engaging the senses. What can I see, hear, smell, and feel?

Awareness of Living: Leading an Intentional Life

Previously, I worked toward other people’s ideas of success and things I thought I “should” have or do. And I know I’m not alone.

Again, fear underpins a lot of our motives, as we dread being judged or not accepted. We often prioritize conforming over doing things that are meaningful to us personally. We lack self-compassion, compare ourselves to others, and find it hard to say no.

Intentional living starts with really understanding why we want the things we want and do or don’t do certain things. Then we can take ownership of our life direction and make choices in line with our values, not what we feel is expected of us.

With awareness, we can trust that any consequences of living authentically are insignificant compared to the benefits.

It is totally possible to go through life passively, going with whatever is presented to us. It is easy to pick up short-term pleasures and continually get sucked into the moment. But if we do this, we will always be haunted by a sense of unfulfillment.

Awareness shines a light on passive living and encourages us to enjoy the present while making decisions for the long term.

Reflecting on your approach to life:

• Why do I want the things I want?
• Am I measuring progress by comparing myself to others?
• What is meaningful to me, and what are my values?
• Which parts of my life lack alignment to these?
• What do I think is expected of me, and how can I deal with these pressures?
• When did I last make active decisions or changes for alignment in my life?

Your Awareness Journey

Ultimately, this is a journey that will never end. We are constantly changing, and life around us is forever moving, so there will always be a need for reflection. You might become great at recognizing your feelings and staying present, but it will still be something you should practice to maintain.

When we accept that, like our mental well-being, awareness is not a destination, we can enjoy continually managing life rather than redundantly wishing for things to be different.

With awareness, life becomes an art. Regardless of what it throws at you, you have a powerful tool to navigate and make something out of it.

About Nicole Howard

Nicole Howard is a mindfulness and meditation teacher with a belief that everybody should have access to simple and practical tools to manage their health and mental wellbeing. Nicole shares insights into integrating mindfulness, wellbeing techniques, and approaching key areas of life mindfully on her website, theawarenessadvantage.co.uk. Follow her on Instagram, Pinterest and Facebook.

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