‘The Tesla of Motorcycles,’ a 2-Wheeled ‘Electric Masterpiece,’ Looks Like This

Sometimes in any job, you just stand back and go … “What?!” Today was one of those days at GearJunkie.

News of “The 1” arrived from the recently revitalized Curtiss Motorcycle Company — under a pile of images and claims that almost broke our communication channels. The 1 is a bonafide masterpiece, Curtiss wrote. And I’d agree with the brand if I also thought the 2011 film Sucker Punch was one.

This electric bike’s sauce boiled over such a long time ago, it’s now all over the stovetop, counter, ceilings, and floor — of the future-fictional Queen Anne mansion it was simmering in.

Describing this thing is like trying to put an octopus into a laundry basket. If former President Martin Van Buren transported to the year 2030, but in an alternate dimension where everybody still pretended it was the year 1843, this is the motorcycle he would tool around on to gastropubs.

History jokes aside, Curtiss also claims a groundbreaking patent: “For the first time ever, [it] makes the motorcycle entirely and completely symmetrical.”

Asked what we could make of the drive belt being on one side, just like usual, Curtiss had this to say: “The ancillary multi link rear suspension, the belt drive and the brakes are necessarily offset. The affect is akin to wearing a wrist watch on one arm or a tool in a belt on one hip.”

Still, Curtiss wrote, “The 1 changes the way motorcycles ride, look and feel, offering both new and experienced riders perfect balance, ideal proportion and hyper-luxury, hassle-free control.”

The supposed “Tesla of motorcycles” runs $120,000, though it’s possible you could land an insider deal by answering the call for investments from the company’s CEO, Matt Chambers. (It was part of the bike’s publicity materials.)

“Curtiss is offering motorcycle and EV enthusiasts a unique opportunity to own a piece of the company and join us on our journey as the world’s leading electric motorcycle brand,” CEO Matt Chambers said. “The electric motorcycle industry is poised for huge growth and we are proud to be leading the charge.”

Chambers’ prior decisions on the company’s direction have varied in advisability. He opened it in 1991 as Confederate Motors, and then shuttered it and reemerged under the Curtiss nameplate after admitting the company lost business over the old name.

If Curtiss is now “leading the industry” — who knows where it’s headed next?